Happiness is a Pickle: the Secret to Everyday Well-Being

Everyone and their life coach is obsessed with the pursuit of happiness. Happiness seems to be the universal human desire, but could that be what’s driving our unhappiness?

We’ve all been sold the idea that being happy is the ultimate human emotion. Advertising, social media, and influencers keep telling us that our happiness is just one purchase, one solution, or one click away.

I have nothing against happiness. I enjoy small doses of it almost every day, and occasionally a larger dose that lasts a few days. But that’s exactly the point.

Happiness is an intense emotion, not a permanent destination. Like pickles, it’s best enjoyed occasionally and alongside life’s other flavors, not as your entire diet.

The problem isn’t that we’re not experiencing happiness. The problem is that we’ve raised the bar so high for what counts as happiness and lowered it so far for what counts as misery.

Think about it. For many people, happiness requires a promotion, a perfect holiday, a major achievement, a new car, or some life-changing event.

Meanwhile, misery requires a traffic jam, a rude comment, a noisy motorbike, bad weather, a slow internet connection, or stepping into a puddle.

Somehow we’ve made happiness exclusive and misery available to everyone.And then we wonder why we don’t feel happy very often.

Why is Happiness so Elusive?

It’s not that happiness is rare.

It’s that our definition of happiness has become unrealistic. Maybe because marketing folks are always shoving constant glee in our faces, telling us: here, this is what you should feel like.

The tragedy is, the more we desire this glossy commercialized happiness, the more we might fail to notice some other fantastic emotions we might feel, like bliss, content, peace, belonging and gratitude. Sure, these emotions might not have the hot allure of happiness, but they can feel equally amazing.

I would argue they’re likely more sustainable and have more net-positive impact on our well-being.

But as we disregard them because they are not Social Media worthy and seek those moments where we can snap a selfie in the most exotic of surroundings, we’re trading our true happiness for the flashy grin of a toothpaste ad.

Let’s talk about the Unicorn in the room!

Unicorns. Those mythical perfect creatures that spread perpetual happiness – the thing that we’re all supposed to be chasing. The problem is, they don’t exist.

A few years ago, I was having dinner at a rooftop restaurant in Dubai. After the meal, I stepped outside onto the terrace to enjoy the view.

That’s when I stumbled across a professional photo shoot.

A model stood under powerful studio lights wearing flowing white robes.

Large industrial fans blasted her from every direction, sending her hair and clothing dancing dramatically in the wind.

The transformation was disturbing. A moment ago she looked like a poster child for happiness, but now, she was hunched and miserable.

An older woman, perhaps her mother, rushed to her with a robe but the photographer called out to them. “Sorry, we’ll need just a few more shots.”

Resigned to her fate, she shed her robe and stepped into the wind and lights again. And just like that, the perfect smile was back and she exemplified happiness again. Or did she?

When we’re sold this dazzling state of happiness, when we’re promised we’ll find it just around the corner, we’re not just kidding ourselves. We could actually be making ourselves miserable.

This constant pursuit of flashy, Insta-worthy happiness can leave us feeling empty and unsatisfied.
We brush aside feelings of contentment, satisfaction, or fulfillment from our smaller achievements. “Oh, that? That’s nothing,” we tell ourselves. But those seemingly insignificant moments are the building blocks of our lives and within their imperfection, lies real-world happiness.

The Secrets to Daily Happiness

Yep, I’m doing it. I’m about to share with you what I think is the secret to experiencing happiness, every day. No credit card required.

Are you ready? Here it is: Lower the bar.

I know. It sounds … so against common sense. We’re always told to aim high, shoot for the stars, and all that. But when it comes to happiness, setting the bar a little lower might be the key to feeling a whole lot better. You see, the more you lower your requirements for happiness, the more often you’ll find yourself experiencing it.

In all my years of life coaching I’ve found one thing that’s common among all those who complain they’re not happy. They have so many requirements for happiness. They have such high standards for allowing themselves to experience that emotion, they hardly ever do.

Yet, somehow they set the bar so low for what makes them miserable. A noisy motorbike passing by, or a puddle they stepped into, or -the worst offender- the weather. Any of those everyday frustrations are allowed to make them miserable, but for happiness, things have to be perfect.

If you truly want to experience more happiness, start by disregarding the insignificant small things and take note of the small but significant things.

Basem Al Attar

So, What Does Everyday Wellbeing Look Like in Practice?

Have you ever bitten into a perfectly toasted cheese sandwich? Crispy exterior, then warm melting cheese inside? And if you have your perfect hot drink to wash it down, hmmm – heavenly. 🙂

Do you have some indoor plants? You should, because noticing a tiny new leaf unfurling on that plant you’ve been nurturing is quite literally, life happening right before your eyes.

Sometimes, happiness is a heartfelt conversation with a friend, a shared laugh with a stranger, or even a purr from a street cat asking you to share a bite off your sandwich on your lunch break.

These small moments of joy can really matter, but you’ve got to take notice of them.

They might not be social media moments, but they’re your road to small doses of everyday happiness.

Forget Amazing Bliss, Think Well-Lived Life

So, where does this leave us? Should we completely abandon the pursuit of happiness? Of course not! Those mountain-top moments, those once-in-a-lifetime experiences – they’re wonderful when they happen. But contrary to your favorite influencer’s Instagram reel, they don’t happen everyday.

Instead of chasing after them, then feeling disappointed when we can’t find them, let’s aim for something nobler – a life well-lived. A life where we prioritize well-being on a daily basis.

This means embracing the full spectrum of human emotions – the highs, the lows, and everything in between. It means finding joy in the everyday, building a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside. A life well-lived is made up of thousands of small moments, not a few big ones.

Your Happiness Assignment-Should you Choose to Accept it

For the next week, catch yourself smiling at something. Whatever it is, pause for a moment and appreciate it. However small it is, acknowledge that in this moment you feel good. If you laugh out loud, enjoy it, if you’re pleasantly surprised, embrace it. At the end of the week, look back at those moments and acknowledge that this is what your everyday happiness feels like. Not the fancy photoshoots.