Everyone and their life coach is obsessed with the pursuit of happiness. Happiness seems to be the universal human desire, but it’s so … overrated.
Hear me out. I know I sound like I just admitted I don’t like puppies. But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. We’ve all been sold this idea that happiness is the ultimate human emotion. We’re conditioned by advertising, social media and influencers that we can exist in this evergreen state of happiness, once we buy they’re product, use their solution or (the worst offender) take their course.
I have nothing against happiness. I feel light doses of it everyday, occasionally a strong dose that sometimes lasts several days. But that’s exactly the thing. Happiness is an intense emotion. Like pickles, it’s supposed to be consumed lightly, occasionally and alongside life’s ups and downs. Not as your whole diet.
Why is Happiness so Elusive?
It’s not that we’re not experiencing it, it’s just that we’re expecting to have too much of it. Maybe because marketing folks are always shoving it in our faces, telling us: here, this is what you should feel like.
The tragedy is, the more we desire this glossy commercialized happiness, the more we might fail to notice some other fantastic emotions we might feel, like bliss, content, peace, belonging and gratitude.
Sure, these emotions might not have the hot allure of happiness, but they can feel equally amazing. I would argue they’re also more sustainable, lasting longer and having more impact on our well-being. But as we disregard them because they are not Instagram worthy and seek those moments where we can snap a selfie in the most exotic of surroundings, we are trading our true lasting happiness for the flashy grin of a toothpaste ad.
Let’s talk about the Unicorn in the room!
Unicorns. Those mythical perfect creatures of perpetual happiness that we’re all supposed to be chasing. The problem is, they don’t exist.
I was at a rooftop restaurant in Dubai a few years back. After dinner, I walked out onto the terrace to enjoy the view and that’s when I stumbled upon a photoshoot.
A model was draped in flowing white robes and bright lights bathed her in a magical glow while large industrial fans whipped her hair and fabric into a frenzy creating the illusion of flying.
She had a dazzling smile with perfect teeth and followed the photographer’s instructions as he directed her to look this way and that.
In the wind and lights, she seemed to embody the essence of happiness, a real life unicorn.
Then with a simple “Cut!”, the photographer concluded the photoshoot. His assistant promptly proceeded to turn off the fans and lights. Immediately, the model’s radiant smile vanished.
“Thank God” she scowled in frustration. “Those lights were blinding me.”
The transformation was disturbing. A moment ago she looked like a poster child for happiness, but now, she was hunched and miserable. An older woman, perhaps her mother, rushed to her with a robe but the photographer called out to them. “Sorry, we’ll need just a few more shots.” Resigned to her fate, the model shed her robe and stepped into the wind and lights again. And just like that, the perfect smile was back and she exemplified happiness again. Or did she?
When we’re sold this dazzling state of happiness, when we’re promised we’ll find it just around the corner, we’re not just kidding ourselves. We could actually be making ourselves miserable.
This constant pursuit of flashy, Instagram-worthy happiness can leave us feeling empty and unsatisfied. We brush aside feelings of contentment, satisfaction, or fulfillment from our smaller achievements. “Oh, that? That’s nothing,” we tell ourselves. But those seemingly insignificant moments are the building blocks of our lives and within their imperfection, lies real-world happiness.
The Secrets to Daily Happiness
Yep, I’m doing it. I’m about to share with you what I think is the secret to experiencing happiness, every day. No credit card required.
Are you ready? Here it is: Lower the bar.
I know. It sounds … so against common sense. We’re always told to aim high, shoot for the stars, and all that. But when it comes to happiness, setting the bar a little lower might be the key to feeling a whole lot better. You see, the more you lower your requirements for happiness, the more often you’ll find yourself experiencing it.
In all my years of life coaching I’ve found one thing that’s common among all those who complain they’re not happy. They have so many requirements for happiness. They have such high standards for allowing themselves to experience that emotion, they hardly ever do.
Yet, somehow they set the bar so low for what makes them miserable. A noisy motorbike passing by, or a puddle they stepped into, or -the worst offender- the weather. Any of those everyday frustrations are allowed to make them miserable, but for happiness, things have to be perfect.
If you truly want to experience more happiness, start by disregarding the insignificant small things and take note of the small but significant things.
Basem Al Attar
So, What Does Everyday Wellbeing Look Like in Practice?
Have you ever bitten into a perfectly toasted cheese sandwich? Crispy exterior, then warm melting cheese inside? And if you have your perfect hot drink to wash it down, hmmm – heavenly. 🙂
Do you have some indoor plants? You should, because noticing a tiny new leaf unfurling on that plant you’ve been nurturing is quite literally, life happening right before your eyes.
Sometimes, happiness is a heartfelt conversation with a friend, a shared laugh with a stranger, or even a purr from a street cat asking you to share a bite off your sandwich on your lunch break.
These small moments of joy can really matter, but you’ve got to take notice of them.
They might not be social media moments, but they’re your road to small doses of everyday happiness.
Forget Amazing Bliss, Think Well-Lived Life
So, where does this leave us? Should we completely abandon the pursuit of happiness? Of course not! Those mountain-top moments, those once-in-a-lifetime experiences – they’re wonderful when they happen. But contrary to your favorite influencer’s Instagram reel, they don’t happen everyday.
Instead of chasing after them, then feeling disappointed when we can’t find them, let’s aim for something nobler – a life well-lived. A life where we prioritize well-being on a daily basis.
This means embracing the full spectrum of human emotions – the highs, the lows, and everything in between. It means finding joy in the everyday, building a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside. A life well-lived is made up of thousands of small moments, not a few big ones.
Your Happiness Assignment-Should you Choose to Accept it
For the next week, catch yourself smiling at something. Whatever it is, pause for a moment and appreciate it. However small it is, acknowledge that in this moment you feel good. If you laugh out loud, enjoy it, if you’re pleasantly surprised, embrace it. At the end of the week, look back at those moments and acknowledge that this is what your everyday happiness feels like. Not the fancy photoshoots.
Very insightful 👍👍👍
This is a wonderful perspective on happiness, I truly believe that simply being more grateful for the small things in life makes a huge impact on our happiness. this is an exceptional article 👍🫶
I agree ☺️