Ever felt misunderstood despite your best intentions? You’re not alone. Whatever your intentions, or however good your ideas are, it simply won’t matter unless you can communicate those ideas & intentions clearly & effectively to others.
The Communication Conundrum
You could be the smartest, most creative or knowledgable person in the room – perhaps all three – but people will still only know what you successfully communicate to them.
Unfortunately, many of us fall into the trap of assuming it’s all obvious – that others should just figure us out, what we stand for, and who we are, without us having to put much effort into it
And that’s the assumption that causes a breakdown in communication.
The reality is, people don’t really know who we are, they only know what we communicate.
Think about it. How will others know how kind, caring, skilled, or talented you are unless you can effectively convey these qualities?
The Key to Effective Communication: Understanding
Whether it’s at work or at home, communicating effectively starts with understanding. The real challenge lies in crafting your message so that different people can understand it. And that means you’ve got to start by understanding them.
So what do good communicators do? They listen. They observe. They invest time and energy in seeing the world from the other person’s point of view. They don’t judge, because early judgement can cloud their understanding.
Only then do they craft and tailor their message, to the receiver.
Good communicators take responsibility!
How often have you heard (or said) something like:
- “I tried to tell them, but they just don’t get it !”
- “She just won’t listen!”
- “I wish you would try to understand …”
Notice what all those phrases have in common? They shift the responsibility of successful communication from the sender to the receiver. It’s just like sending someone an email full of strange symbols and expecting them to sit down and decipher it.
Good communicators don’t blame others for misunderstanding them. They take responsibility and they’re determined to keep trying different ways till they get their message across.
Instead of complaining that people don’t get it, you’ll often hear them saying something like: “Maybe I didn’t explain what I meant very well, let me try again in a different way.” And that’s exactly what they’ll go on to do.
Once you start taking responsibility for how you’re understood (or misunderstood) by others, you begin to be very specific with how you communicate. Not just words, but actions, impressions, social signals and everything that communicates something about you. You find yourself very intentional and leave little room for ambiguity. Unless ambiguity is what you’re intentionally going for, of course. 🙂
The Power of Shifting Perspective
When we realize it’s up to us to help people understand us, a powerful advantage takes effect. We stop feeling resentful when others don’t “get it.” So conflict and blame goes down. We stop having people we “love” because they “get us” and others we “hate” because they “don’t understand”. Instead, we become more curious about others and creative in expressing ourselves to them.
Our focus shifts from what we want to say to how we can say it better.
So the next time you feel misunderstood by someone, instead of blaming them, ask yourself: “How can I find a better way to get my point across?”
By taking responsibility for being understood, listening actively, and adapting our communication style to our audience, we can dramatically improve our ability to connect with others and get our message across effectively.
