If we agree that thinking, in its simplest form, is an internal Q&A – questioning and trying to find answers – then the quality of the questions we pose becomes rather important.
And here’s a little secret from the coaching world that experienced coaches will be very familiar with:
The quality of the coaching is in the quality of the questions.
Whether you’re thinking through something on your own or a coach is helping you work through a challenge, the secret is often in the questions being asked.
Now, high-quality questions aren’t necessarily difficult to formulate.
One of the simplest and most powerful questions is: What are we going to do?
A simple question on the face of it, but I consider that a high-quality question because it directs our thinking towards the future rather than endless analysis of the past and present.
It gives us agency in choosing what we do next and forces a practical framework for the situation, whatever it is.
- Dropped a saucer full of milk on the kitchen floor? Terrible mess?
- What are we going to do?
- Quarterly numbers are way below forecast?
- What are we going to do?
You get the picture.
It’s a hell of a positive force of a question because it directs the mind towards several potentially productive directions.
But beyond that simple question, there are more focused, more sophisticated questions. One of them, I believe, is perhaps the most important question you can ask yourself as a leader, especially when times are challenging.
That question is:
What Am I afraid of?
Take a moment. Give your mind a chance to take that in.
Most of us hate admitting, out loud or even to ourselves, that we’re afraid of something. Fear suggests weakness.or vulnerability and who wants to show all that?
Our fears influence our thinking, our choices, and our behavour far more often than we care to acknowledge.
Think about it.
A rumour about possible shortages of toilet paper, is all it takes for people to rush to stock up.
Modern marketing has practically perfected the art of amplifying consumer fears and conveniently offering solutions.
News headlines, stock market movements, investment decisions. You name it.
Fear is everywhere.
But when it comes to our own thinking, we’d often rather not look it in the eye.
And who can blame us?
Fears are unpleasant to think about, uncomfortable to live with, and sometimes downright embarrassing to admit.
This is where great leaders differ
They talk about fears.
Of course, they don’t necessarily call them fears.
They might call them concerns, possible threats, forecasts and risks. You know, the usual corporate speak.
But they encourage people to open up and discuss these concerns, examine possible consequences, and prepare for them.
Still many of those same leaders might struggle to acknowledge their own personal fears. Whether it’s internal feelings of inadequacy, imposter syndrome, self-doubt, or overwhelm.
We can be remarkably comfortable discussing organisational threats while remaining deeply uncomfortable acknowledging our own fears.
Most people would prefer to keep those fears to themselves.
But great leaders are not most people.
They’re willing to ask themselves the difficult question.
When we ask ourselves, honestly and specifically:
What is it that I’m actually afraid of?
We begin to give shape and definition to something that may be quietly influencing our thinking. That ghostly, scary, shadowy figure looming somewhere in the background suddenly becomes a little more visible.
We can observe it.
Examine it.
Understand it.
And, perhaps most importantly, begin formulating strategies to deal with it.
The fear will not automatically disappear. But at least it will no longer remain a mysterious influence on our judgment.
That’s why I frequently ask my clients that question.
Whether we’re discussing a hiring decision, a delegation dilemma, or a budget.
What is it that you fear?
Now, the question itself is simple.
Finding the honest, fundamental answer, stripped of all the noise, excuses, and justifications?
That can be far from simple.
But defining what we fear, rather than allowing it to dominate and discolour our thinking, can be remarkably liberating.
So, how can you use this?
Think about one challenge you’re currently facing.
Something that’s been concerning you. Something you’ve been worried about.
Choose just one.
Drop the corporate speak.
And be honest. At least, first and foremost, with yourself.
Ask yourself:
What is it that I’m actually afraid of?
Then give your mind a little time to find the answer. Listen to what it’s saying and perhaps, more importantly, what it’s afraid of admitting.
Don’t rush to justify, explain, or dismiss what comes up.
Sometimes the answer is surprisingly simple. A fundamental concern that explains a great deal of the thinking, motivation and contradictions surrounding the situation.
And once you’ve identified it, you can begin examining it and preparing to deal with it.
A little wiser, a little clearer, more determined and more focused.
That’s when you begin to see how you might slay the dragon.
Because the sooner we honestly acknowledge what we’re afraid of, the sooner we can move on to the next, equally important question:
What are we going to do about it?
And that, as we’ve already established, is a hell of a good question.